i'm wanted in fifty states and in mexico..

I'm not quite running ragged yet, but we'll see in another two weeks how i'm doing. I guess that's when the next short term check up of my self-preservation skills should happen. I'm not too tired, just a little anxious that i might be soon..just like i'm not really too much of lonely person, i just think i need to refocus on a close relationship that cuts me down to the quick, one where i can be completely honest. Of course you can't just crack open a sixpack of those whenever you want. Just like i can't seem to crack open a one-pack of a girl that i find interesting and can keep my attention and all that good jazz...(that is, one that i don't already know.) My attempts of late have just left a few women running into me, like a chain link fence that they didn't see. I can imagine thats disorienting and confusing and.. it must hurt. I can't say I like that at all. I fault myself and my overly optimistic nature, in trying to see the best parts of people..and getting disappointed.

People can be so painfully boring...my job that deals with the general public mostly affirms this. Once in awhile i get surprised..but I can say that i don't rely on others to make each day something new in it's own little way--that is, the way my life is at the moment. They sure can help me in that respect though. :)

I'm trying my best to be slightly buttoned down..but at the same time riding the rails of life. Like a business executive with lots of tattoos that his co-workers never see. Nah...how about Jack in the coffee pot? Hmm..actually I don't think theres a proper analogy for what i'm thinking. How about: a clear headed derelict with a million dollars in his front pocket? No. Let's leave it at me, trying to pin this whole life analogy down while the concept itself squirms around like a worm on the dissecting plate.

how many helium balloons would you like?

Tidbits:

Someone's horn got stuck in the parking lot downtown today. It was a new Volvo, and the rather professional lady who it belonged to was standing stupidly close to the blaring noise and shouting into her cell phone. I wanted to go over to her car with a wrench, disconnect her negative battery cable, and walk away wordlessly. But I was running late, myself. I figured that her situation would be one in which she learned a practical lesson or at least spent some of her money paying an anonymous blue collar person to fix her little problem.

I remember reading somewhere that the biggest fear the average person has is of public speaking. Comparing that to the fear of death, I think that means that at a funeral, a lot of us would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.

Coke came out with this new drink called Coca-Cola Blak. It's basically coffee flavored coke. What a taste disaster that must be. Maybe if someone's handing them out again like they were last week downtown, i'll take one. The thing that kept me from getting one last week was that I would have had to cross a busy street to get a free one, and I figured that the idea of coke and coffee at the same time just really isn't worth it. We'll see if theyre on my side next time.

So i had a random waitress give me her phone number the other night. I don't think i'll call her, but we'll see. She seemed a bit...off, but at the very least, interesting. That phrase makes me wonder if anyone has ever described me as a bit off. It wouldn't make me feel bad, i'm just curious about it for some reason. Anyway, she left the coffee pot at our table.. and sat down next to me and asked too many questions while she wasn't helping people out. I think she was trying too hard.

My boss's mom, who is probably in her 70s, now refers to me as 'rocking randy'. When she was asked why, she said 'he's probably a beatnik or something and does that kind of thing'. I find this incredibly amusing.

I watched the first Star Trek film and Star Trek: Nemesis tonight. That was pretty neat. Apparently there's a specific tactical maneuver in space that's named after Capt. Kirk. It probably has a sexual counterpart as well. Another point against me and Picard. Shazbot!

Computer struggles. Why can't i get this machine to do something i want it to do? Data from one place to another! Grarhg.

And, my non-existant dog ate my homework. For serious! Not for serious.

Infinite love to ya'll.

why don't i hear any sleep screams

One of my heroes is Thomas Jefferson.

Thomas Jefferson was a badass motherfucker, standing at 6'2 with reddish hair, bearing a green thumb like no other. I'd imagine he looked a bit like Conan O'Brien.

Jefferson served two terms. During his second term, his vice president was a man named George Clinton.

Jefferson gave only two speeches during his presidency, as he was a lousy speaker. Everything else was written down, some of it being published and sent out, including his State of the Union Address.

Jefferson wrote over 20,000 letters in his lifetime, one I find being particularly important, the "Wall of Separation", which sparked what we know today as "Separation of Church and State".

Contrary to popular belief, Jefferson is said to have been a Deist; thus, his reference to a God at the beginning of the Declaration of Independence holds no relevancy to the Christian God as many are lead to believe.

Jefferson became the foremost American architect of his time -- designing the Virginia Capitol, the University of Virginia, and his own home, Monticello.

Jefferson was also an inventor. Of his many inventions is the swivel chair!

At the age of 9, Jefferson began his studies, residing with a Scottish clergyman who taught him Latin, Greek, and French.

Congress appointed a committee to write the Declaration of Independence. The committee then unanimously asked Jefferson to prepare the draft, and it was approved with few changes.

Jefferson created the University of Virginia. He reorganized the curriculum, hired the faculty, and selected the library books.
___

Hectic! Goddamn. Tomorrow's a day off. A chance to do things i've been meaning to do, communicate with whom i have been meaning to, and etc. It's also my younger brother's birthday. Happy birthday Matt! I think i'm going to buy a lottery ticket tomorrow. If i win 225 million dollars, and you email me the secret word, you'll get a prize. Now, i'm tired, and it's time to go get used to sleeping in a cold bed again.

Ok, can't end on a sour note, so i'll finish by saying that i asked the bank teller yesterday for $2 bills, and she gave me 20 of them. Haha, that's just the kind of guy I am. Also, there was a thunderstorm tonight, and it was cool.

there's some ice in the freezer

in rememberance of things said or maybe not said:

flying saucer dudes came and asked me for directions. i told them to fuck off, and they said thanks and flew away. i hope i helped them out.

i am a carpenter ant. i say 'there ain't no life nowhere..well..maybe." and then i get killed by an exterminator's poison.

i shot the fly and got a free ringtone. i said "neat"

tonight, i said "i want some crystal pepsi" to jon. jon wants some van halen and crystal pepsi.

i'm missing some people pretty bad, and i'm doing all i can do to just be okay right now.

i said "thank you" probably close to 60 times tonight.

i saw a guy who had a 7 inch long tribute to 9-11 on his arm. seriously! it was huge. he was wearing a sleeveless shirt to show it off, but im sure if anyone mentioned it, he would play it off like it was no big deal. secretly, he'd probably think he was the shit and that he's "reaching people."

i would not want to participate in a game called the 'chilidog challenge'

it's easy to get turned around.

i want to get sent home and still get an "A" for the day at the same time, by causing conflict and inter-classroom strife, but not interrupting the learning process.

i watched 'good night and good luck' again for the 5th time at work. There's not too many things that are fairly new and are still rated PG.

And goddamnit, i can't handle a relationship with someone like you right now. You've got little sections to you that i can't deal with. Over.

I bought energy saving bulbs at the store the other day.

I am a Dorkus Malorkus, and i just capsized a Coast Guard boat.

I enjoy mixing inanities with seriousness and randomness.

phone starts ringing and she's almost dry

I have had some interesting conversations with customers at the store about the film Brokeback Mountain. (I know it been out for a while now, but it just came out on DVD today.)There's a interesting double standard regarding homosexuality, especially in guys. If a film were to explore a same-sex relationship between two female characters, I don't think I would hear nearly the same kind of commentary regarding it. I don't know exactly why that is, I'm not sure. Is it because the typical (well, let's say more closed-minded, and idea that i don't share at all) male idea of the female role in any relationship, sexual or non, is ideally submissive..and a homosexual relationship between two men lacks the qualities that some men use to validate thier 'manliness' or some bullshit? Or is it because they immdiately visualize and think of any sexual acts (which they may regard as 'disgusting') between two men when any hint of a homosexual relationship is mentioned in any form?

Some people won't ever look past the moniker of 'that gay cowboy movie' and see the love story that is there for what it is, and that's a shame. Oh well, they can choose what they want to think just like I can.

Also, I think it's a symptom of a closed mind to assume one's personality is soley based on who they enjoy fucking. Although sometimes I seriously think how cool it would be to be a gay woman. Hehe.

theres a kernel stuck in my window

I'm updating after work tonight. Gotta close-that means til midnight. Yay! brb.

Okay, back.