i'm wanted in fifty states and in mexico..

I'm not quite running ragged yet, but we'll see in another two weeks how i'm doing. I guess that's when the next short term check up of my self-preservation skills should happen. I'm not too tired, just a little anxious that i might be soon..just like i'm not really too much of lonely person, i just think i need to refocus on a close relationship that cuts me down to the quick, one where i can be completely honest. Of course you can't just crack open a sixpack of those whenever you want. Just like i can't seem to crack open a one-pack of a girl that i find interesting and can keep my attention and all that good jazz...(that is, one that i don't already know.) My attempts of late have just left a few women running into me, like a chain link fence that they didn't see. I can imagine thats disorienting and confusing and.. it must hurt. I can't say I like that at all. I fault myself and my overly optimistic nature, in trying to see the best parts of people..and getting disappointed.

People can be so painfully boring...my job that deals with the general public mostly affirms this. Once in awhile i get surprised..but I can say that i don't rely on others to make each day something new in it's own little way--that is, the way my life is at the moment. They sure can help me in that respect though. :)

I'm trying my best to be slightly buttoned down..but at the same time riding the rails of life. Like a business executive with lots of tattoos that his co-workers never see. Nah...how about Jack in the coffee pot? Hmm..actually I don't think theres a proper analogy for what i'm thinking. How about: a clear headed derelict with a million dollars in his front pocket? No. Let's leave it at me, trying to pin this whole life analogy down while the concept itself squirms around like a worm on the dissecting plate.