with a lilt

busy, alone, refuted, unrequited, applauded, rescheduled. focused, alone again, kept at arm's length, semicolon, semicolon. lied to, lied to, okay, forget it. guitar playing, guitar not playing. unlucky, unlucky. some people are amazed that i'm the way i am. i don't understand. cold, but the sun feels pretty nice. polite. politely telling me that you aren't interested anymore. knowing the real reason. half-smiling. whats done doesnt compare to the thing i compare them all to. a mass of people so tiring while they shouldnt be but at the same time giving me thier energy when they shouldnt. i feel its even.
vanilla porter that still tasted like beer. now thats pretty neat.

what's a great idea?

I had a great idea for a blog post last night, but didnt have time to write it. I've since forgotten it. Damn it! I had today off from everything, which was nice, so i just used my 'me' time to watch the movie "Die Hard" and play guitar, with my tape recorder in front of me. I think when i go back to listen to ideas, i'm gonna hear gunshots or breaking glass. I got a call from a number with a weird area code today at about 5pm. I was sleeping..they didnt leave a message. I called it back about half an hour ago, but to no avail. Hmmm. I wonder.

grasping at a gathering dusk

Friday. It's a good day to be a Friday. Today, i'm gonna set myself on "MED" and just see how everything turns out. Thats medium by the way. Probably nothing will get done. Oh well, let's see. At least i'm playing tonight.



theres a world outside us right now screaming in tribute but merely managing a serene snowfall. that's seen our kind before, but all it can do is fall.
and what love does to us is everything thats drowned in us

not until it stops snowing let the last minute of this time we have
last until you let me go stumbling with
so much reckless grace

the time thats passed has made me stretch the meaning of words but the intention remains. silence is redefined but remains the greatest of glorious obstacles but
one i still know you within and what love does to us is everything that we've been left to die with.

not until it stops snowing let the last minute of this time we have
last until you let me go not until it stops snowing.

coda:
i'd still like to think in the frozen air of the highway
that my arms were reaching out to you. but theyre cold fingers
shot into the night whispering a hushed exhaust of prayer
that my own hands wrought while still they lied motionless.

"Something" by George Harrison

Carl Sagan, in regards to the last picture of Earth taken by the Voyager spacecraft, 4 billion miles away:
We succeeded in taking that picture [from deep space], and, if you look at it, you see a dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam.

The earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and in triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of the dot on scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner of the dot. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light.

Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity—in all this vastness—there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us. It’s been said that astronomy is a humbling, and I might add, a character-building experience. To my mind, there is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly and compassionately with one another and to preserve and cherish that pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.

Where am i going to sit after the bust of Pallas gets pawned?

Been away from Internet lately. Been working on a lot of different stuff lately, and been pretty focused on said things. If i could sledgehammer people into my daily grindings, i would be a bit happier. Instant coffee and 15 second conversations suffice for now. I shouldn't get all dressed up with nowhere to go. Story of the last year and a half of my life in regards to that. I should sell my possessions and live on the lam for a while. At the same time, i want to be tied down. Tied down and loving it. I'm confusing.

Misc:
The May Petals recordings sound pretty good! Good job guys. I need to change the oil in my car tomorrow. Theres a mouse in the house that needs to get shown the door. Been off prescription drugs for a while now. Feeling good, but closer to okay. Seen a lot of (good) films in the past 3 months, but please don't ask me whats out this week. Organized crime seems like a decent vocation minus all the violence. I need to go do karaoke again sometime.

I'm wearing a chain around my neck and thinking that it looks pretty good, unconcerned about the strain its putting on me. I hope it doesn't scare you to hear that i'd drop everything for you.

I suppose now we are cooking.