Lists are so fun

It's list time. The first, (in my opinion of course) are the 10 catchiest songs I know. The second is my top 10 albums. These are really hard to do..and fun of course.


10. Ween - Ocean Man
9. Nina - 99 Red Balloons
8. Bon Jovi - Livin' on a Prayer
7. Jellyfish - New Mistake(or any damn song by them)
6. Harry Nilsson - Lime in the Coconut
5. Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life
4. (tie) XTC -the whole goddamn catalog - and The Eagles - Hotel California
3. Electric Six - Gay Bar
2. The Buggles - Video Killed the Radio Star (there, its stuck in your fucking head now)
1. Survivor - Eye of the Tiger

The albums, in no particular order:

Miles Davis - Kind of Blue
Sonic Youth - A Thousand Leaves
The Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream
Jellyfish - Spilt Milk
Dream Theater - Scenes from a Memory
Beck - Mellow Gold
Fountains of Wayne - Utopia Parkway
Wilco - A.M.
Beatles - Sgt. Pepper's
Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral


There, that took a long time.
You'll get a real update soon, Mr. Blog.

Flood, Blitz, Image and Pin

For the past couple of weeks, i've been working on my voice. My *gasp* singing voice. And it's hard. Really fucking hard...but i actually feel like i'm getting somewhere. The method: trial and error..and a whole lot of brute force practice. I think i will eventually bring my vocal "talents" (cough) to Candid Avenue, and we'll have more background vocals. That would be nice. Oh, and i'll be playing some more open mic nights too, that will definitely be challenging and fun.

Now for something completely different!

I've found over the course of my 21 years that I'm not an angry guy. I've always been fairly cool about most things that could cause me to be angry, although i realize i usually react with annoyance or disdain or impatience instead. But, in the time where i find myself mad about.. whathaveyou, i've had trouble dealing with it in such a 'pure' way that someone like Henry Rollins talks about. Being angry is never so refined with me.

I've found that with my occasional anger there accompanies with it a feeling of selfishness. I think i really know the reason why now--it's partly from how i feel when i realize i'm considering and trying to protect my own feelings with my anger and defensiveness with no regard to others. Therefore, i find it terribly difficult to just be angry at someone. Some little part of me is always giving the benefit of the doubt--of course, at the expense of ME. It makes me think that maybe subconsciously i don't give my own feelings enough weight or credit. That might be true, and i may just explode or spontaneously combust one of these days.

The creator has a mastertape..

http://www.gnoosic.com/tripex.php

This website is nifty. You enter three bands that you like, and it suggests a band to you based on what you entered. You then can select "I like this", "I don't like this", or "I've never heard of this" and it will spit out another band based on your answers. For example, i entered:
King's X
Porcupine Tree
Dream Theater

and i got:
Marillion
Liquid Tension Experiment
Rush
Spock's Beard
Flower Kings
Yes

Which is pretty accurate. Neato. I entered some mid 90's rock that i'm hip to, and i get some other good ones.
Entry:
The Refreshments
Gin Blossoms
Dishwalla

I got:
Sleeper
July for Kings
Swinging Utters
Loudon Wainwright
The Mavericks
Johnny Mathis

Which I was a little confused by. I've only heard of two of the outputs..but it makes me want to look into some of it.

You only get a mini-update today. I'm busy!

Operation Grab Your Ankles and Prepare for Our Cobra

A few things that contribute to the lack of new recordings and performances of new orchestral music:

1. Composers like to eat-- Let's face it, theres really not a ton of money out there for people writing new music. Because of little to no support from labels (as well as bad distribution by those that actually do support this art) there's not a whole lot of money to be made in sales, and the cost to tour an entire orchestra is hilariously outrageous.

2. Composers (as well as orchestral musicians) need more than anything else to look good-- It's dangerous and risky to make waves. A bad review of a new piece seems like it could ruin a composers entire career. So it's so much safer to slap together a 2 hour program of music from the dead guys, since the musicians have been sawing away at it since their conservatory days, and can make it sound okay with little rehearsal. Plus, it eliminates all that pesky creativity.

4. Little to no support from major labels, who are much too busy releasing their next smash pop hit. Pretty self-explanatory. All a label needs is one act, one King for a Day-- ergo, the REAL money is made from that one album's sales (in stock at your local Wal-Mart) the MTV video, the marketing/product tie-ins, the stupid fucking magazines, the world tour.

5. The audience just doesn't care-- It seems like the production of new compositions is moot in a society that primarily concerns itself with disposable culture and merchandise. Print it.

Give me a bad review. Oh wait, theres one right here.

Today at work, our clock broke. I winced as they took down the one thing I depend on at my workplace. It's the one thing that is nice and reliable, and its a useful gauge to see how i'm holding up through my shift.
I was going to on a long diatribe about clocks, but i found that i know nothing about them. Well here is something i do know about.

Some tangental musical thoughts here:

Something that keeps rock and roll completely boring and/or pathetically entertaining, is rock journalism. Ok, i'll admit it--I subscribe to Rolling Stone. (At least it's not Spin.) I usually get a kick out of reading the review section and looking at all the three-star records. Take a look next time--every fucking band from the new emo sad sacks to the newest hip-hopper gets three fucking stars. Those reviews are the pinnacle of mediocrity, and some of the descriptions of these (mostly shitty) albums make me want to bomb the headquarters. It's sad when anything that has a 7th chord in it is called "jazz influenced" and anything that has a vocal part that crudely resembles doo-wop harmony "summons up old R&B". It cheapens the real thing.

It seems that the majority of the reviews are of pop acts, or uninteresting indie drivel, bands that only the dyed black hair, scarf wearing, european cigarette smoking fuckoffs like to ask you if you've heard of. I really don't give two shits about some band named The Blood Brothers, so don't fucking ask me, you pretentious louse. Unless theres a good reason for me to check out a band, i won't, because theres plenty of shit to go around that I don't want a part of. Obscurity is not a reason to get into a band.

If you go to the Middle East, if you go to Russia, if you go to the Caribbean, and listen correctly, you will hear music. REAL music. Music that the common person created as an out from their daily lives, as an expression of their culture. Culture that is thousands of years old, culture that the common person holds dear to them. Here in the US, I don't think the average mixed-ancestry person really cares about American cultural music. All these kinds of people consume is Britney Spears and Evanescence, Metallica and Disturbed, 50 Cent and...you get the idea. It's a bit sad. Jazz is far from popular. REAL blues is not to be found on your radio dial cept for half and hour a week.
Country is such a parody of itself its fucking laughable. It's hard to find something truly American of substance in the music world that John Q. Average is exposed to. People refuse to be challenged. It's all about PRODUCT. Thats another topic for another time though.

Topics for next time:
"No new 'classical' music: Nothing but dead white guys"
"I want to hear Joe Blow's Bitchin Concerto"
"John Mayer or Jack White: Whose gonna get fat first?"
"Women in rock that i actually admire/care about"

Til next time.

A real bar guitar.

Jon has been working on building a custom guitar from parts. It's a blue telecaster style with a nice fender neck, but the real cool detail about this piece is the bottle caps. Yes, bottle caps! About 40 or so bottle caps from all kinds of beers are in the process of being attached to the body of the guitar. A nice assortment of brands and nationalities are involved..it should be a great conversation piece, and hopefully all those caps don't ruin the guitar tone too much. But..if it does, who cares?

Okay, today is the day of many updates and prose/fiction.

Maybe if i tried hard enough.

I've never been looking for a way to blame myself for everything but i always seem to find it.

Maybe if i was careful...

Or maybe not.

Do you smell the coffee?She's sitting,

they're standing- right over there.

The back of her head is so beautiful. Those standing shuffle thier feet
and smoke.

Do you understand, my friend? I don't know much about who you are.

The way you hold your head.

I can say, and i think you would know, that
what you do isn't half as important as what you feel.

Or perhaps it is the opposite. I dunno, i'm a bit lost.

Its amazing--how these others that are supposedly
like us push and pull.

The scene outside remains, the shuffling people smoke, and the girl sits far in front of you.

A scattering of people. All rotting away slowly.
All killing themselves and each other a bit faster than the last one.

I don't know where i, or maybe even you, might fit into this.

It slices, it dices!

So I cut my thumb on a tin can lid yesterday. I've never done that before. It's quite painful, but not so much as a paper cut. Right above getting poked with a string clipping, and right below paper cut.

Candid Avenue had a rehearsal last night, in which a new song was completed. We've definitely been cranking them out in comparison to our usual writing at a snail's pace mentality. I'm stoked about this summer and the gigs we'll have.
The Tony Lajoye band is also playing this Saturday..that should be great. Tony has put together some neat stuff, and your humble author will join his band for a tune that night. It'll be fun.

oh yeah, i forgot to pimp the band's website: http://www.candidavenue.com

Later.

Wet concrete smells a certain way.

I find that the saying "There is beauty in simplicity" (or some reasonable facsimile thereof) to be really true sometimes. Like three chord rock and roll, vanilla ice cream, and a reliable circulating fan in muggy weather.

However, if you were to take these things and put them under a microscope, they lose whatever it is that makes them appealing. Nobody really says, "I like this music because of the strong cadence when movement from the chord built upon fifth degree to the chord built upon the first occurs!" You can't exactly shout that over the din of a punk rock band.

I think in overanalysis, which is something i find myself guilty of from time to time, i lose perpective, and drown out the things that I really enjoy, or like to create.

I bring this up because I recently saw some bird calls notated onto sheet music. They were incredibly complicated, polyrhythmic strings of black dots that only a very skilled technical musician could pull off. Here we have something that can be a really beautiful sound (not those damn jays though) quantitized and formulated. Something makes me not like that at all. It would sound sterile, even if played by a principle player on any instrument of your choice.

I guess what i'm saying is, it seems to be a good idea to shut the analysis off once and while. Stop and smell the coffee, or flowers, or wet concrete or whatever it is you like to smell. And don't trouble yourself to think about why. I'm not saying we should dismiss the feeling of wonder we may get from such a thing...just tell that little dude in your head that handles that to take off his lab coat and put on a hawaiian shirt once in a while.

An old article i wrote.

It comes out of your sink, out of the sky. It's in your bathroom, and covers two-thirds of the earth. Those of you that haven't locked yourself in your bomb shelter armed with your .44 and your unwavering American spirit of shooting things (the same people who have heeded my deceptive description as a warning of the Red Menace), will know that I'm talking about water. Ah, water, our most precious resource. To those of you who say our children are our
most precious resource, I would like to ask: when was the last time children got you clean or refreshed you after a hard day at whatever work you may do poorly? Maybe that's a bad example. Maybe you should shut up, hypothetical asking-people.

The first thing that you might ask yourself when you think about water is, 'How does the water get from the Coca-Cola Corporation to me?" Or perhaps, "How do I know that when I take a shower, I'm not bathing in hot dog water or even AIDS-infected water?" Well, I set upon a great journey to find out the answers to these questions.. and everybody knows that every modern great American journey starts at your local mall!

At the risk of being too broad(GOD DAMMIT THE PACKAGES SAID LOW FAT ON THEM FUCK YOU LITTLE DEBBIE YOU "LITTLE" WHORE) Anyway, at the risk of being too broad, I've narrowed my study down to the common drinking fountain. And, I gave up on all the shit about where water comes from. Instead, im going to try drinking out of several different drinking fountains across my city, starting at the mall, and see what I can find out.


Drinking Fountain #1

Location: In the mall, next to that store where white kids buy black kids clothes

Style: Silver metal.

Taste: See below

General Info: After accidentally swallowing the 40 or so wads of hard chewing gum that was cemented to the spout, I went into convulsions and had to be 'Rushed' to the hospital. Godammit, the medics stopped at Arby's on the way to the hospital, and they didnt even get me some Jalapeno poppers. 29 hours later, I regained consciousness, and 37 hours later, I was able to speak at a 3rd grade level, which, by happenstance, is 2 whole grades higher than before!

Rating: 13


Drinking Fountain #2

Location: Local High School Locker Room

Style: White porcelain. Looked to be made in the early 50s.

Taste: Mountain Dew Code Red. Exact flavor.

General Info: Due to a deal with Pepsi, this local high school's drinking fountains flow military grade MDCR. The effect is similar to crack cocaine, and sends the user into a state where one is unable to sit still in a desk, properly construct sentences, or get a date for the upcoming formal dance.

Rating: 5B, -1



Drinking Fountain #3

Location: City Park

Style: Constructed of some sort of fake stones, or perhaps it was brown Styrofoam.

Taste: Cold and clear as a mountain stream...of piss.

General Info: I went to a governmentally funded area, commonly known as a 'park' for this one. There was a basketball hoop, slides, see-saws, and various other kid-torture devices, all out in the open! I mean, this 'government' must be loaded in order to spend major cash just to plop down some twisted metal, concrete, and a giant mansion of a restroom in the middle of a field! What morons! However, the water was so disgusting I pissed myself.
Twice. I later found out that this 'park' is a haven for homosexuals and bums, and even homosexual bums. From this part of my research, I didn't learn anything about water, just a conspiracy involving bums and the smell of urine. Just think about it...urine flavored/scented water...bums...govt. funding...? I believe we can close the book on that age old question.

Rating: G


I decided that three drinking fountains were enough. The waters from these dispensers have sapped my strength and my will to live. It hasn't, however, taken away my love for that show Trading Spaces! I love that show when they change peoples houses and people get pissed at each other, but can't show it cause they're not on the Fox network.

If your motto is 'if you seek a pleasant peninsula, look about you!' you are my home state! Yes, Michigan! The epicenter of the Great Lakes region! If your asking "Well, what does this have to do with water, Randy? The answer is complex, and would take another 1500 words to describe. I learned it from my neighbor, who works down at the sewage plant. I've been listening through my apartment wall to his beer-fueled complaining about his job, and using the information I've gained over the past few weeks (and before beer #5) to piece it together. Here goes: Well, the water that you and I drink and use every day is the EXACT SAME water that is in our lakes, rivers and oceans! Isn't modern science and technology great?! I think we've made quantum leaps in lots of fields such as this one, but perhaps that's a topic for another article. I love Scott Bakula.

Now that the word is out on the whole "where water comes from" issue, I can begin lobbying the state legislature to set up a couple hundred thousand sniper towers and nests to guard the Great Lakes from out-of staters who want to steal all our damn water. C'MON IOWA, I'd like to see you try it! HOW MANY GREAT LAKES DOES YOUR STATE HAVE? Now about those Canadians. Some would say that they have claim to part of our Great Lakes, but some of those
people are in jars in my basement, and other parts of those people are en route to their families across the country.

first post lol

Welcome. Greetings. Salutations. This blog will eventually feature the exploits of the hydraesque rock band Candid Avenue, and supplemented(ala the title) by some crap about the humble author. Coming soon from producer Jerry Bruckheimer.