some change for directions

Travel makes one modest..you see what a tiny place you occupy in the world.

No new content yet, i think i might expound upon my last post a little bit tomorrow or the next day or talk about money or trying to stave off loneliness. C'mon, its an e/n blog, we've established that =) (however, it would make me laugh if someone did comment with the words 'lol emo' here, even though IM NOT, lol. ) Today was okay, except for my cell phone cutting out of service. Damn you postal service!

Laugh:

meet me tonight in Atlantic City

Me and my trenchant mouth. I seem to be adept at being flat out with people when it comes to the personal relationship I have with them. I had to explain to somebody last year why I wasn't attracted to them, and that I didn't want them. I can't imagine most people taking something like that well; "here's stuff I don't like, bullet point A. On the next slide.." To be honest, I didn't think I had any business trying to be in a relationship at that particular time anyway (this is when you spin your finger next to your head vertically) so now I just look at that time as a bit of a learning experience. She was blonde anyway. Feh. I bring this up because it kinda happened again, that is, a girl was attempting to get some answers out of me about our short lived relationship (began/ended a couple of months ago)just the other day. I couldn't tell if I was making her feel better or worse. Probably worse. Sorry.

I think i've developed a bit more bluntness over the past while, and I like that because I realize when I'm being too blunt or whatever. example: A kid was trying to tell a joke the other night, and after it was done he says, "too soon?" so I say, "Nah, it just wasn't very clever." Yes, I think about everything after it happens, its the dorkiness/slightly obsessive part of me kicking in.

Dissected minutae like this reminds me of the 'embarassingly confessional' essays of my friend Chuck's blog, although I don't think I could do it for more than two paragraphs.

Somethinged by Funk

Another list-eqse style thing to chronicle the past little while:

Eating cheese til i'm blind, newcastle brown can really smack you down (ask humble pie). saying good-bye to someone i didnt want to leave, completely different family dynamic than i'm used to, and cats, cool ones, my favorite being Chauncey. my car drives like it is much newer and doesnt have 196,000 miles on it, huzzah. the largest joint i've ever smoked, playing through super punch out and a lot of wilco songs and not caring how badly or well we did. a re-emergence in coffee in my every-day life. guitars missing, police, the criminal underground indirectly helping out. writing again and playing again, and a new set-up space at jon's. epicureanism, but over-the-topness as well. a 5 person art project involving crayons and oil pastels. a paper on the effects of mass media on election results.



Maybe it's a toothache. That dull, indirect ache that I almost enjoy. Pushing on my teeth, not wincing, but just exploring the boundries of that particular kind of 'hurt.' No, its a splinter. A small one, maybe fiberglass. In digging it out, the extruding part broke. It now hurts when i press on it, but i know its fucking up something inside my finger or whatever. It reminds me. I have to say something, or hear something.. but i'm fairly certain you don't care anymore. We'll see if i'm not so spineless. Ah, good night.

pickle juice on the dashboard

Some more pictures for the hell of it. I'm fairly busy..can't really write a serious update now. Plus, Martha is leaving tomorrow. :sadface: Oh well, when she leaves I'll actually be able to get something done around here. Not that I was complaining! Then, it's back to being stuck, and attempting to unstick. And work and school, as usual.

threading the needle for life

has my current state of affairs turned me into tinder in a blaze? well, maybe. more like missing a few colors in the palette. different metaphors for about the same thing.

left handed ledgers

I'm not completely left-handed, but my twin is. strange, huh?

Ok, since i'm updating this thing regularly now, I sat down to write another entry, and found it deleted when my browser froze. Damn, should have used notepad. Oh well, I'll re-write it. Until then:

well i stood stonelike at midnight
suspended in my masquerade
and i combed my hair til it was just right
and commanded the night brigade
i was open to pain and crossed by in the rain
and I walked on a crooked crutch
i strolled all alone in a fallout zone
and came out with my soul untouched
i hid in the clouded wrath of the crowd
but when they said 'sit down' i stood up.

delusions of mediocrity

Feeling sluggish this afternoon. The coffee maker's broken or lost or something, and the only thing else I have to drink is this thick green stuff with lots of vegetable-ness. Sure, it's probably a hell of a lot better for me than coffee, but it doesn't shock me into alertness like a cup of decent coffee would. As long as my fingers and my brain work right now.
Oh, living alone. I like it about 7/8ths of the time. argh.

I think i'll run for a local political office. Sometime. Depending on where I live in the next year or two. Yeah, I want to do that, and I want to drive a car at 140 miles an hour. And go to Europe. Ok, i'll start small. First, I am going to check the mail.

sleeping with the fishes, see

Some scratch photos from last Sunday. Edit: I forget to say that I'm the one with the dark glasses.

lines

i thought bloodletting was dismissed by modern medical science ages ago..
theres a perfectly good explanation for this dreck
songs from the book of life for everyone
how i miss your face in low light
the frozen air of the highway
spending time on the borderline

**
oh, and a pre-emptive sorry to the people that search for 'candid avenue' on google or whatever (for the band) and come here instead to find a bunch of e/n nonsense. go to www.candidave.com.

eep eep

work. boxes. school. books. cleaning up, loss of personal space. guitars, acoustic and non, pictures being taken of the band for the album. not being able to write or sing very much. money problems and money solutions. being late for work. old english 40ozs. good company. girl that is annoying and girl that is awesome. bruises on my arms, dry skin on my hands. wanting to be alone, desperately not wanting to be alone. silently screaming but in a psuedo-healthy way. lack of sleep, lack of food and lack of...too many tvs and not enough stuff on the walls anymore. losses and missing spaces that i can feel somewhere, but im not sure where. leaping off the tallest building you think i've ever seen and landing like a feather. boom stands and microphones and tapes and the like. hollowness.. but resolve. a weakened resolve. 'changes' by yes. crazy ideas and the ability to carry them out. just life.

in rain, the summer sky and the ocean blue and green

crosspost; but i don't have any new content until next week.

the celluoid's been cut before, ive said this before and ive been given what for for a no reason excuse get out of my life get out of my hair excuse excuse me ive tried and im not dead but maybe i could if i wanted to be, so far along the road/path of excusing myself from getting by getting by getting over you not so far but so far thats not all this is about dont count on it.

tiny castles and sand castles built in a couple of days and swept somewhere on a 22 minute television program that insiced and applied modern day avant garde physics conceptual jargonesque skylarky to so much that should (could must arent) be. (are). or can't be, maybe you have things to do today and everyday when you wake up next to whomever or whoever that wakes up next to someone that isnt exactly you anymore. eat your grains of salt and don't ask for pepper cause im not so safe anymore, its anymores that you gave and anymores that you kept and youll keep them for a long long time. from i want i want me mine self to you you you alone or however-- happiness that i want i want, from me directly stabbed into your heart place for yourself or whomself or himself or whomeverself.

you can feel this and if i cant help you i cant and if i can i need you to ask me because ive been so pre-empted by yourself before. besides be sides yourself who is there when your eyes close and who do you make to stand before you. get themself to make you the something that it is you wanting.